“So, how was your date last night?”
Nadia surprised me when I was just walking to the kitchen this morning. I’ve told her that I was going on a date with a woman I met online before. She was a very good-looking woman with her smile and attitude impressions that I got during the chat with her. I walked across Nadia and took a cup of coffee before I told her about the date.
“It was good. I was really happy having that dinner with her last night. She was like what I’ve imagined before.” I sipped my coffee before I continued, “She was really a cheerful woman, the most I’ve ever met, actually.”
“Woww… glad to hear it, Ben. Finally, no more single time.” Nadia seemed so happy hearing my explanation. I was just put a smirk on my face hearing it.
“Unfortunately, it won’t be happening Nad. I decided not to.”
“Why?” Nadia asked with shocked. “You said it yourself that she’s a cheerful woman, the type you really like. And I can imagine that you two are meant to be together, a cheerful woman and a serious accountant.”
“Nothing. I just didn’t feel any chemistry with her.” I sipped another coffee.
My eyes wandered off the windows. My mind went back to last night after the dinner. Julia, the woman I met, told me that she was a prostitute before in order to financed her lifestyle. One thing that I didn’t expect coming from her.
“Hey…. look Ben. This is awful. Read the headline. A blonde haired woman, aged around 35, was found dead in a park. Nailed to a tree. It is dangerous nowadays for a good woman like me to walked at night.”
Nadia gave the newspaper to me. I didn’t need to read it actually. I still remembered clearly when I took her to that tree and nailed her slowly. An avarice’s woman like her deserved to be punished. Just like all seven deadly sinners that I’ve punished before.
***
The story above is a pure fiction for this week challenge for BEC, which is “Alter ego“. I was confused how to described an alter ego. But then something came up in my mind, why don’t I make a fiction for this week. So there it is, my first English fiction. Hope you enjoy it. And no… that’s not my alter ego, if you are wondering. If you want to know, perhaps it would be a…. *thinking* *still thinking*. Okay, I’m giving up. I can’t come up with one.
79 Comments
Wow, it’s just..it’s just creepy..
I cannot say much, but your fiction is good, Mas Ryan 🙂 Such a creative way to fulfill this challenge.
Thank you Ami.
My first English fiction.
wouw…great story mas Ryan
New thing to fulfill the challenge with fiction
Thank you Ira.
Actually, the first one using fiction for challenge’s theme is Maya. She wrote fiction for BEC’s challenge before.
Firstly, thank you for using my name in this story. bhahaha!
And the story is so simple but twisted! gosh, keren banget :3 Aku belom bisa tuh bikin cerita yg mind-blowing dan nendang kyk gitu, mana singkat lagi ceritanya 😯
Thank you Nadia. I was thinking to link it backed to your blog. But the story is not reflecting you as blogger. Hahaha.
Makasih ya sekali lagi. Kebanyakan nonton Criminal Mind aku mah
Hahaha never mind, Mas 😉 Criminal Mind ya, I see…
Iya. Suka aja
I’ve thinking to write a fiction again for this challenge but I have not write it yet. The ide still not solid yet. But, well, here you go, Mas. A fiction in English… Well done ^_^/
Thank you Maya. You are the one inspired me to wrote fiction. Hahaha.
How’s the logic of my fiction May? Need some improvement? Can’t wait to read yours.
Although you are seldom to write fiction, once you made it, you made it well, Mas Ryan. 🙂
Only some points which perhaps you need to explain further :
1. The “I” nailed the woman at the tree while he just knowed that the woman was ex prostitute when they were dating. Does he always bring nail everywhere he go?
2. The reason he killed was because the woman did the prostitutiin which belong to one of 7 deadly sins. Does he punish them at random? Or the one that become close with him.
Looking forward for your next fiction 🙂
Ah. Thank you May. I am excited to do another one with those inputs.
Looking forward for it, Mas 🙂
keren euy…
gak kepikiran bikin beginian.
Haha Mba Ncuss. Ini juga karena dead end pas mau nulis soal alter ego sendiri.
I won’t surprised if that was a real story. 😛
Nice one though.. 😀
Ssssttt. Don’t tell anyone okay?
Why shouldn’t I? I need more than just a ssstt. 😛
Hmmmm. Seriously?
No kidding. You up all night? We’ll meet tomorrow right?
Having a fever just now. And can’t sleep for now.
Auch. Same here. Speed recovery!
You too Dan.
Bang Daaaaaannnn x)))
Ikutan ah.. Daniiiiii
Hahahaahah. 😀
hahahaha… *ikutan hahaha*
Ikutan juga deh. Hahahahaha.
kiss-able….keep it simple short. i like it!
reading posts from BEC challenge really gives me sometime to warm up my morning routine in the office.
Thank you Mba Arbi (cmiiw).
Sadly I haven’t blog walked for this week’s challenge
i have no idea what ‘cmiiw’ is. this abbreviation-slang term…i practically have to ask my colleague what ‘cmiiw’ is! i grew up in MIRC era.. where ‘asl’ and ‘lol’ are the most common abbr. ahahha. it’s just rina, by the way….
Hahaha. MIRC era. Hihi.
Hi. Asl pls. Wkwk.
Okay Rina.
Wow.. Wicked fiction! I tought you are telling about one of your favorite movie scene mas Ryan!
Aku kipasmu mas.. Hohoho
Hahaha. Mba Ola… Masa jadi kipasku. Ah… Malu aku *ngadep tembok coret2*
Thank you for reading it Mba.
What a thrilling story, Mas. As far as I can imply, Ben’s alter ego is a serial killer who couldn’t stand the presence of 7 deadly sins in human being. Clever premise. But I do wonder what will be Nadia’s fate if she lives with him? She’s his family, if I’m not mistaken?
Continuation of this story will be really appreciated. I’m looking forward to your another stories :hihi *nagih*
Yes Gara. You are correct. I didn’t tell much about Nadia. Actually she’s a very good friend of Ben’s and they are roommate.
Continuation? Hmmm… Will be very hard to do that Gara.
Hm… interesting, as Ben hasn’t done anything to her… yet.
Why?
Hahaha. That’s something I never thought about.
aaah, this week’s topic is kinda hard one to tackle. I was actually thinking to make exactly this kind of fiction too (one that includes a woman being murdered) hehehe but.. well, it’s kinda difficult to tailor a story in such a short time.. hahaha
You can do it Mas. I am sure you can. And can’t wait to read yours.
udah lewat dan saya masih belum nulis apa-apa mas. minggu ini skip dulu deh. hehehe
Ayo, Ronny. Bikin aja. Aku juga baru setor hari ini *tutup muka* #nyamberajakayakbledek 😀
May. Punya mu dah direview
Aaaak, aku blm lihat. Nanti klo dah d rumah deh kubaca. 😀
Gak apa kok mas. Tulis aja. Banyak yang submit belakangan kok.
I will look forward for another fiction 😀
Thank you Mba Echan.
Hmmm. Fiction will be in Indonesian I think Mba. Hihi.
We to the ow. Wewow 😀
Ma to the sih. Makasih.
Haha, mengerikan tapi keren. Pembunuh berdarah dingin 😀
Hahaha. Thank you.
Keseringan ntn serial kayak Criminal Mind jd gini nih.
Mas.. mas.. keren!!!!
This is a cool short story. I mean that you figure it great. “Alter ego” is everywhere even we can’t recognize it.
Thank you Sandrine. Glad you like it.
Yes. Just like when watching Criminal Mind. I was just… Wow… Her? Him? How can?
I guess I should watch Criminal Mind. My sister always talks about that series.
You should… It is a great series. It makes your jaw drop… 😀
Wow . . .really a great story written by an accountant
Mas Christ, don’t tell anyone about me as an…
Oooooh Jack the Ripper alter ego, scary deh mas..
Hahaha. Only fiction Mba Tane.
Ryan…your story….is…very…dark…
I am totally speechless…
Hahahaha. Please remember it’s only fiction.
Niceeeee!! 😀
Thank you Christa.
oh my, a psycho?
what exactly triggered him to kill her? purely because he felt betrayed because she lied?
he punished sinners? who is he? a saint? a vigilante?
Ah Zy…
Thank you for your questions.
He killed her not because of her lies. But because she did one of the 7 deadly sins.
The logics of why is not there huh? Means need more improvement.
On a second, I think this is real story. But when I see the name kok ada yang beda, ternyata fiksi.
Nice story mas ryan
nice post, but a little bit scary. Is Ben ‘Malaikat Pencabut Nyawa’? and what are the seven deadly sins? sorry, got no idea about this sins.
Well done, Mas Ryan. Great Fiction! 🙂 Never thought to write a fiction for BEC’s challenge before. It could be considered as the next BEC’s challenge hoho
keren fiksinya
Makasih mas.
I think
You didn’t your homework Mas Admin
Hhe
Hahahaha.
why you’ve killed so many women? ckckck…. perhaps that’s another story to write.
LoL. Perhaps one day.
I got goosebumps!! Oh my.. If this was your alter ego mas,, kabur aja lah.. hahahaha
Hahahaha. I would run away also if this is my alter ego.
Maybe it’s better for me to ngacir, Bang Ryan.. Wkwkwk 😀
Why are you ngacir Beby?