Why Are There Memories?

Perhaps you’ve been wondering also, why are there memories? Just like me. But then again, perhaps it is just me.

I often asked myself why and gradually I found the reason. Memories are to help us remember. Remembering things that made us to grow, from time to time. Things that we call as memorable times. If someone asks what is my most memorable things, I would say those times where I was down and got back on track again.

So there aren’t any sweet memories? Of course they are. I mean, life is a roller coaster – just like what Sandrine wrote last week. Some went up some went down. But if I compared between them, the memories that memorable for me are those when I was down.

So if you want to know most memorable relationships that I had, it would be my relationship with my late father.

My Father and Me

My father was an old-fashioned man – a Chinese old-fashioned man. He believed that seniority really exist and us, as his children were not allowed to do things against his words. Despite his old-fashioned beliefs, he was caring and loving us, his family. He wasn’t a person that can express his feeling freely but we know he cared for us.

I remembered times when he did things that we never thought he would do. Such as, walked by himself to a nearby store to bought a full fried-turmeric chicken for dinner. Even-though it was raining at that time.

My relationship with him was really like a roller coaster ride. He sometimes said that he was proud of me then the next day he said that I didn’t do as well as my friends for an exam at school. I was angry at him at that time. He didn’t know my friends’ grades but he said that such thing. My anger made me worked harder to get the highest score in class.

And many times, due to I was the last child, he would ask me to buy this and that. He wouldn’t ask my big brother or sister. So I went buy those things he asked with grumpy. Then, my sister once told me that my father told her that he was proud that I was always in a big three during school and got the scholarship.

He was really proud of me and told all his brothers and sisters about it (he had 11 brothers and sisters). And this was never once he told me directly.

My Father was Sick

When I was in scholarship program of one of the biggest bank in Indonesia, my father got sick and need to be hospitalized. He was there for about two weeks. At that time all I can remember is that he was very pale. He was in agony due to his illness. I was sad, very sad. But felt useless. All I can do was stayed beside him.

After two weeks, he went out from hospital in a better condition. He attended my sister’s and my big brother’s graduation. He looked so happy seeing them graduated.

On April 9th, 2005 – 10 pm, after treated for about a week or so, he passed away. I remembered that time very clear in my mind. I was just arrived at home with my sister after looking after him. My mother and brother came to hospital, so we went home. I was trying to unlock the gate when my brother called my sister.

He asked us to go back to hospital, immediately . When we, I and my sister, arrived, he was already moved to other room. And soon after he was gone. I didn’t cry at all. I really can’t.

Memory Lane of him

Now, as I went through the memory lane of him, I realized. I realized that he was caring and loving us, including me. He did all those things to preparing me. He was preparing me to be better person time to time. A person that can do all things by my own. A person that meet all my dreams – including the scholarship.

And what made me sad is that he didn’t make it to see me graduated. My mother, the only person who came, hugged me and said: “He (my father) would be very proud if he was here at that time.”

Now, I know that even if I had a roller-coaster ride relationship with him, he actually did his best to be my father. A person whom can’t say things like “I Love You” directly, but he showed me how he loved me.

It’s been 10 years now without him. Full ten years with many times I was remembering his tooth sounds at night. And made me say: “I miss you so bad, dad.”

That is my memorable relationship with my late father. A roller-coaster ride relationship that I didn’t notice what it was for. A relationship that will always be in my mind and heart forever.

A relationship that I cherish after all this time due to memories in my life. So… Why should I ask more about what is memory for? Why are there memories in life? It is for this kind of times. When I need somethings to remembered upon.